YM778.TV Chapter 44: Is That How It Went?
Chapter 44: Is That How It Went?
The sun had yet to rise over the Clover Kingdom to signal the next day, yet Sebastian was already out and about in the humid summer morning.
He couldn\'t sleep much through the night, waking up at an ungodly 4am, and knew he wouldn\'t be able to fall asleep. When he woke up early, he was the type to stay up.
Not to mention that he slept through the day after falling unconscious during his fight with Mereoleona and his talk with Acier kept him up, his mind buzzing with many things.
Things that scared him, because the more he thought about them, the more bewildered he grew at how he could\'ve previously ignored such glaring contradictions, coincidences, and obvious facts.
He needed a change of pace, so he got out of his bed, careful to not wake up Acier, and took a stroll through the Silva estate, passing through the fields with a particular destination in mind.
House Silva\'s private cemetery.
Acier\'s words and grievances from their talk on the beach occupied his mind.
Although you have problems with my Grandfather for what happened to your parents, my Father had nothing to do with it. Is it so much to fucking ask to pay your father-in-law a visit during his death anniversary!
That day wasn\'t today, but it was safe to say, a visit was long overdue. Moreover...
I-I\'d b-be so d-disappointed in myself... ashamed... that I ever doubted your love. That I ever doubted Father\'s words...
Her words from yesterday, further fueled his inner turmoil. Sebastian could\'ve sworn that just like her grandfather, Acier\'s father hated his guts, even before he showed his "true" face.
And that in itself was a contradiction. How on earth could\'ve Sebastian Silva secured Acier\'s hand in marriage, and become Lord Silva, if the two previous Lord Silva\'s detested his very being?
Perhaps, Acier could\'ve insisted on marrying him, sure. But that doesn\'t automatically make him the next Lord Silva, Acier could\'ve been disowned and abandoned by her house if she was adamant on going against her grandfather\'s and father\'s wishes and marrying the "detestable" man that he was.
That was typical noble and royal protocol, to deal with disobedient children.
Though of course that wouldn\'t have been a possibility because Acier was adored by her grandfather as his pride and joy.
And although her father was a pretty unreadable man, from Sebastian\'s memories he was quite positive that he shared that feeling.
And then after marrying the eldest daughter Sebastian would be a shoe in for the next Lord Silva, as Aurelia married out of the house, and no matter how much Acier\'s family despised him, they would have no choice but to pass down the title of Patriarch to him, lest they want to give the branch families watching them like hawks some fuel for their dark ambitions, and incentive to try to usurp power.
That is a logical conclusion.
But the issue is, how did a nobody like Sebastian Silva even get approval as a suitor for Acier Silva in the first place?
How was he even alive today?
It\'s not uncommon for royalty and nobility to "eliminate" pests that try to seduce or approach their daughters, and by that extension bare their fangs and show their greed to take their power and influence for themselves.
Even if Acier was the one to initially approach Sebastian, her father, and grandfather would have had ample ways to rid this world of Sebastian with their influence, and not leave any traces behind.
Of course Acier was no idiot, and likely would suspect him, but there were other suitors from high nobility and even that bastard Lux who were all trying to court Acier, and naturally to win her over they would "narrow down" the competition.
Someone with no background like Sebastian, no influence, no subordinates, should have been easy pickings. He should have long been rotting beneath the Earth as a skeletal corpse.
Yet he ended up as the victor? Perfectly safe and healthy, today.
That\'s not possible... unless someone was secretly "looking out" for him from the shadows.
And that\'s a problem, Sebastian Silva is many things but not an idiot. He would eventually realize he had some secret "guardian angel" of sorts, or some undercurrents scheming, plotting, and arranging to bring him and Acier together.
And the fact that the current Sebastian has no recollection of the sorts... well that makes him very tempted to believe that it wasn\'t only his memories after Lucius took control of his body that were fuzzy.
Some things from before that, core memories, and facts, have been twisted and now the more he looks back on them, he begins to see some blinding incongruities.
In plain speak, it makes zero sense. How some things happened, how some things unfolded and led to other events in his memory, there are gaps that make them borderline illogical.
Rather than the missing memories from after Nozel was born, to Sebastian what seemed more problematic was the build up from how he and Acier met, became acquainted, turned to lovers, got engaged, married, and all leading up to the day Nozel was born.
Sebastian had concluded that certain happenings and momentous events (atleast to him) in his memory had been overwritten and lightly tweaked, causing an almost unnoticeable change in personality in him, and his feelings to certain people.
"Crunch"
Sebastian\'s dress shoes stomped on the lush green grass, making an imprint and crunch on a stray fallen leaf, as he passed through an archway eternity into the cemetery.
Few graves were present and constructed, because although it was known as the Silva Cemetery, the only people with the honour of being buried here were those of the main family.
And even then only those who were members of the main family till death did them part. When Aurelia died she would not be buried here, and that went the same for any main family members who married out of the house.
Through his memory Sebastian rounded a corner and walked to an open area where 3 tombs were neatly lined in a row.
Each constructed on an ornate, and luxurious silver pedestal, where a silver white large cross with golden trimming sat atop them.
In his hand Sebastian carried 3 white lilies, and began to scan the names as he walked past.
On the very left, and nearest to him, was Acier\'s grandmother\'s grave, and on the gravestone, it read:
Acyer Silva, 1528 - 1583.
Sebastian stopped at her grave first, and narrowed his eyes at it. He had no impression of this lady, except from some stories and tales, afterall she passed away before he was even born.
All he knew was that his wife, his Acier, was a spitting image of her, and thus was named after her.
He would never know the truth to that, Acier\'s grandfather was obsessed with his wife, especially after her passing. All portraits and mementos of her, were hoarded by him, and buried with him.
Sebastian nodded inwardly, I seem to remember that made the man project his ideals and vision and love of his wife on her lookalike, Acier. To the vast majority it was heartwarming, but only a select few and Acier herself understood how so very toxic and stifling that love was.
Sebastian put the lily at the gravestone, and walked to the next one, Acier\'s grandfather\'s:
Niklaus Silva, 1526 - 1603.
Just looking at that name, caused a bad memory to resurface in Sebastian\'s mind.
It was shortly after rumors of Acier\'s pregnancy spread like wildfire throughout the noble realm, courtesy of her mother.
Sebastian had been essentially all but arrested by House Silva, and "escorted", into the old master, Niklaus\' room.
It was night out, a rainy day, to add to the solemn and depressing atmosphere, essentially Sebastian was just calling it to have the sickly, old, withered, and thin man tear into him for "defiling" his granddaughter, and precious Amethyst.
And he just stood there and took it. What could he do, say technically he was the one that was defiled. Would anyone even believe that?
Perhaps his silence pissed the older man off more, as he grabbed his cane from the side of the bed, and brought it down on Sebastian\'s head.
Sebastian didn\'t dodge, he wasn\'t even in the mood, too distracted by the sudden turn of events, and honestly half listening to Niklaus\' rants and fury.
He was half minded, and probably this event wouldn\'t even have been memory worthy if it wasn\'t for the physical pain that came at the very end.
Well that\'s how I used to remember it. Sebastian narrowed his eyes, last night, in his very brief sleep, he had a "new" recollection of said event.
Where, a certain someone stepped up, caught the cane, protected him, told Niklaus off, and walked out of the room with Sebastian in tow.
Sebastian clutched the two remaining lilies in his hand, before begrudgingly putting one down at Niklaus\' gravestone.
No point in holding some grudge with a deadman.
Then with a complicated look in his eyes, Sebastian shifted to the right, and stood in front of the last gravestone.
Acier\'s Father:
Nathaniel Silva, 1547 - 1608.
A gruff, seemingly emotionless, slightly broad, and tall, short silver-haired man, wearing a perpetual thin line visage, sporting tired lines on his face.
Sebastian\'s feelings towards Nathaniel were distant, a practical stranger, their relationship more like a reluctant master and disciple, after Acier\'s and his swift engagement, to quickly groom and train him into the next patriarch, as his age was catching up to him, and didn\'t have much time left.
Thankfully Nathaniel was able to hold on till Sebastian turned 21, so he could lawfully inherit and take over as Lord Silva, irrespective of the ambitions of the branch families.
That was pretty much as far as their relationship took them... but now the image of Nathaniel catching that cane was at the front of his mind.
Father, there are many things that I can accept and look past you doing, but striking my daughter\'s lover, and future grandchild\'s father, is not one of them.
Shortly after they left the room, he seemed to see the image of Nathaniel patting his head awkwardly and scratching his cheek with an uncharacteristic nervous display.
Sebastian, this might be shameless coming from me, as in some shape or form, I was arguably complicit in the injustice, madness, and greed that drove your parents to take their own lives... but please think of us as your new family... and me as your Father.
Then that image changed to about nine months later, when Sebastian returned home and met up with his "family", on that "fateful" day, where everything changed.
Acier went frozen stiff at her "beloved", unexpectedly tearing into her, with hurtful words, dismissing their child like some commodity, and filling her sister and mother with feelings of horror.
Then Nathaniel rose from his seat to stand up for his daughter, but Sebastian had struck first. He clamped the elderly man from the shoulder and forced him down on the seat, and pinched his nose in disgust as he looked down at his father-in-law.
Old thing, where do you get off acting like my father, just hurry up and die already so I can take this place for myself.
Sebastian\'s words had made Nathaniel turn immobile in shock, thinking back at that vision now, caused Sebastian\'s stomach to churn but more than anything it was the brief look of hurt and loss that flashed in Nathaniel eyes was what jaunted Sebastian awake so early in the morning.
Sebastian crouched down on his legs, bent forward, and carefully placed the last remaining lily on the tombstone.
Staying crouched he lightly brushed the name on the silver plaque and spoke in a soft whisper.
"Father, I really hope that dream was just a dream, and the cold and distant you in my memories was the real you."
"I don\'t know what I would do, how I would feel, or even want to think about how I would react, if I found out, you cared for me, loved me, and..."
I-I\'d b-be so d-disappointed in myself... ashamed... that I ever doubted your love. That I ever doubted Father\'s words...
"...and never lost faith in me."
After a moment Sebastian stood up, and gave the tomb one last look before crossing his arms, behind his back, and walked away, leaving just another sentence.
"I\'ll come visit you again in the future... with Acier."
Hey, hey, why are we walking, huh? Why not just fly?
Sebastian didn\'t deign to give a response to the inner voice that sounded identical to him, yet different somehow, as he continued on his path.
Sebastian didn\'t head back to the main estate, rather he began walking through the vast acres of Silva land, to the edge of the estate.
Castle Kira, Castle Vermillion, and Castle Silva, amalgamate to form Clover Castle. The royal castle is where the main family of each royal family lives, along with some few other privileged or prominent folks, like head servants, possible in-laws, or branch family members that have made great contributions.
The "backyard" of each castle, which could be considered realms onto themself with how extraordinarily large they are, each follow a common housing pattern.
Branch families (vassals) higher up in the hierarchy and closer to the main family, live closer to the main estate.
In Nathaniel\'s time, Amara\'s family was said to be the closest family to the main branch, and lived a mere 2 or so acres from the main estate.
Sebastian\'s family which was so far removed, a branch of a branch family, to the point of not even having the honor to use the Silva name, nor wear the floral fitchy, lived at the very edge of the Silva land.
When Sebastian grew older he understood that was a great source of insecurity and pain for his parents, driving them to "push" him to be better, and make contributions so they can become official Silvas, and move closer to the main family.
Sebastian didn\'t particularly care as a child, he just thought it was benevolent enough for the Silva\'s to even let no names like them live on their land. But his parents always wanted more. They were never satisfied with what they had.
This was a point amongst many that resulted in them doing certain things to Sebastian, and spiraling in a series of haste decisions that ultimately ended in a dual suicide.
Well tuple, if you count that one. That voice spoke up again.
An image from his tween years popped up in Sebastian\'s mind, down a wooden floorboard hallway across from his room, a fairly decent nursery unfolded, with an expensive newly bought crib, toys, and clothes.
A crib that never got a chance to be slept in, toys that were never played with, and clothes that were never worn.
All because of those two fools.
Influenced by the inner voice, Sebastian grimaced in boiling frustration and complex lament, as another scene popped in his mind.
He was 13 then, he came home late from his private studying at the royal library, only to find the lights on and no one around.
He knew his parents were home, because his father\'s coat was laid out on the lobby hanger, and he never left home without it.
As for his mother, she never went anywhere without his father. Especially as she was pregnant back then.
He walked around the house calling his parents, but got no response in return, only to walk upstairs, and find his parent\'s door closed shut, but light trickling under beneath the gap from a flickering candle.
He knocked and banged on the door, but got no response, causing him to fill with worry. Shortly after he decided to force himself into the room, and worry about the impending consequences or "scolding" later.
That would never come, because one\'s parents have to be alive to "discipline" their child.
A father hanging lifelessly from the room ceiling with a rope by his throat, and a mother lying lifelessly on the bed under him, with drool, seeping from her mouth, and some strange remnants of some sort of drug in her hand, were incapable of such a thing.
Rather than outright sorrow or trauma, Sebastian had looked at his mother\'s rather large hump and lamented.
Couldn\'t you have chosen the same method as Father? At least that way this child could\'ve been saved.
Sebastian had grown quite distant from his parents in the few years prior, a few tears of sorrow sprung from nostalgic feelings of a deceivingly happy and content childhood, was all they got, as he dug a hole and buried them beneath a nearby oak tree.
Many people misunderstood Sebastian, yes he hated Niklaus and at the time the entire main branch too for what happened, but after that accident he equally despised his parents.
It\'s just that he couldn\'t vent any of that rage on dead people, so Niklaus became the sole target for him to detest.
Sebastian wasn\'t seeking vengeance, nor "justice", for his parents, but his unborn sibling.
How dare they! What do they think life is?! That child\'s life was not yours to take! Because of them, she never even got a chance to live!
Sebastian went frozen stiff, stopping in his step as he rubbed his head in annoyance, suppressing this inner voice that has been growing louder since his dreams.
"Can you shut up?" Sebastian whispered to himself, after a moment the echo in his head ceased and he resumed his walk, ignoring the branch members that were looking at him, and waving off any who dared to try and approach him.
Sebastian didn\'t even know who or what he was talking to. Did that dream of his cause the consciousness and balance between his soul and the original Sebastian to tip more in the latter\'s favor?
Was this a sign of some preliminary awakening from the original?
Was those just his inner feelings and emotions, manifesting into some subconscious inner persona, of who he originally and truly was?
Was he hallucinating?
Sebastian felt like his mind was overcrowded all of a sudden, and shook himself back into focus as he sped up.
Anyways you couldn\'t particularly blame others for misunderstanding, Sebastian hadn\'t particularly confided that to anyone.
His parents weren\'t well known, no one showed up to their practical non-existent funeral concessions, which was just burning a bit of incense on their bodies, before he all but tossed them into those pits.
Yes her parents were nobodies, and his unborn sister, even more so. In nobility few have the privilege to foster genuine affection for their relatives, much less grow attached to a fetus that never entered the world.
Few would ever consider the possibility that Sebastian was out for blood, much less for the sake of a stillborn lump of flesh.
It wasn\'t like he was running around the kingdom as a boy, yelling "I\'m going to kill you, Niklaus! Double time even, because I can\'t kill my dead parents. All for my unborn baby sister."
That\'d be a good way to guarantee an early death, one doesn\'t simply state their intent for regicide to the masses.
Niklaus nor House Silva would\'ve even needed to move a finger, many vassal houses and underlings looking to curry favor with them would\'ve competed to bury Sebastian 6 feet under.
Sebastian\'s dislike for Niklaus was a safely guarded secret back then, after all how dare a nobody like him, dare harbor any insidious intentions or fury for a former patriarch.
Only Acier was likely aware of the true depths of his hatred, but it wouldn\'t matter, Niklaus died of natural causes, shortly before Nozel was born. Sebastian never got his "vengeance".
But even if he had the chance he likely wouldn\'t have taken it, Sebastian narrowed his eyes, piercing through those fuzzy fog of memories, at that time Niklaus was the furthest thing on my mind.
As Sebastian neared the edge of the estate, a wooden cabin, not quite small enough to qualify as a tiny home, in modern society came into view from afar.
It sat uphill, surrounded by a square logged fence, near a forest clearing, which led into a downstream river.
As Sebastian approached the cabin above he saw the ghostly reminiscent image of a fairly tall bricklayer house, that would make even some low nobility envious.
His childhood house.
As Sebastian matured he understood that his parents were particularly lavish people, buying things they didn\'t have the capital or funds to afford, like dresses, jewellery, and even that house, all to appear as elite to satisfy their insecurities.
Naturally this was all done through loans from various banks, ending up in generational debt, from interest and such.
After his parents offed themselves, those loan sharks came for him, so what could he do? Well sell his house, and practically all of their belongings to eliminate most of that debt.
The only thing he never gave up was a few of his personal belongings, like his journal, some clothes, tools, and the land itself.
The house was taken away courtesy of House Legolant\'s recombination magic, so he could keep the land.
And thus started his practical street rat days, where he lived a disgraced and "humiliating" life, of living in a makeshift tent, saving up to buy some wood, and building a rocky and flawed shack, and overtime amending it and extending it to form a relatively cozy cabin.
With Acier\'s help of course.
Back in the day, when this was built Sebastian would dare say it would appear luxurious on its exterior from modern day standards.
Giving a kind of lake front cottage feeling to it. Of course by Clover Kingdom nobility standards, who were into large Victorian structures and whatnot, they would never be caught near a destitute place like this.
And as of right now, it does look destitute. No one had entered, occupied, or cared for this place in nearly 17 years.
The wooden fence and the outside cabin walls were rotting, the glass windows seemed sort of fractured and greasy, moss and platlife grew everywhere, and the door seemed busted open.
Perhaps some critters frequented this place during the harsh winters, the Silva Estate barrier only reacted to and kept out magical beings, manaless lifeforms couldn\'t be repulsed, as they couldn\'t be registered.
At least with the House Silva barrier. The barrier guarding the entire noble realm was several tiers higher, and was capable of such a thing.
As Sebastian stepped on the creaky porch, he sighed regretfully. "Such a waste of a good place."
Sebastian didn\'t get to live in this place long, because shortly after it was built he was dragged into the main estate, due to Acier\'s pregnancy incident.
We were considering turning this place into a vacation home for our family, in the future.
Sebastian grimaced and clutched his head in pain again, hissing in frustration. "If you have something to say, say it all at once! Stop popping up at random moments, it\'s bothersome!"
A moment passed, and he got no response.
With a resigned and exasperated sigh, Sebastian went back to studying the cabin from outside, taking in the soggy indented wood, the cracked and flimsy planks under his feet, the brittle handrails, and the holes everywhere.
Perhaps after Lucius got to him, his body\'s tasks and only concerns had to do with the main estate, so this place ended up forgotten and ignored.
But... Sebastian narrowed his eyes, the fact that this was my property should\'ve made it a priority among House Silva servants to clean and maintain, lookafter, guard, and manage. Even if not having received the express order to do so.
Yet it appears like a typical abandoned shack from some horror movie. The only possible reason would be if I or Acier ordered for it to be left untouched.
I\'ll ask Alfred afterwards
Without wasting another second Sebastian pinched his nose, to mask the spell, and stepped through the doorway, and boy he wished he hadn\'t.
"Ack hack hack!"
Sebastian waved his hand, and coughed heavily into his fist as he was greeted by a cloud of dust and grime.
And that wasn\'t all.
The odor of several rodents or such critters that had likely died here, breeded here, and stained the surroundings with their feces and urines assaulted him from each pore.
"Aughh-eww!!!"
Sebastian felt yesterday\'s breakfast wanting to spill out from his insides, as the nausea hit him.
He immediately coated himself in mana skin, to block out the bulk of the unpleasant feeling and had his grimoire floating out to produce some light, to examine the true extent of the "damage".
Looking around the room he cringed, as he saw a bunch of cobwebs, spiders, flies, mosquitoes, cockroaches, dead carcasses, and whatnot, littering the area.
One again Sebastian Silva, wished he was a fire mage.
He didn\'t hesitate to send out blasts of water that turned into bubbles and spheres of various sizes that covered and surrounded all these undesirables, shooting them out far away from the cabin and into the forest.
Water washed through the floorboards and walls carrying away fresh grime, dust, and stains that he didn\'t want to decipher origins of.
As for the dry ones that already melded and merged with the wood, Sebastian would just have to tolerate it for now.
Sebastian was very tempted to just get what he came for, and do the world a favor and blast this place to smithereens but perhaps nostalgia was acting up, and made him hesitant.
After all this was the place he and Acier built through hard work and grit, going through many ups and downs, and experimental processes, as neither really knew what they were doing.
Sebastian will definitely demolish this place one day, hopefully soon, but it was only fair for Acier to join him, and maybe if she\'s up to it build a new one.
A bigger one, that could actually fit their current family.
Sebastian shook his head, and walked through the one level cabin, continuously blasting away any creepy crawlies, carcasses, and other yucky things that got in his way.
He spared a glance at the bedroom from outside the doorway, not stepping in, as he took in the approximately double size bed, built into the corner wall.
He traced the bedsheets and rotting frame, and cringed in disgust from just imagining how many bed bugs made that mattress home right now.
That\'s where we made Nozel-
"I know!" Sebastian cutoff his inner voice and mysterious companion that may or may not be the original him, or some strange imaginary friend.
She came onto us-
"I said, I know!" Damnit if you\'re going to speak, share something important, enough with this useless crap!
Again the voice went silent.
Sebastian felt he was about to break down, and develop some identity disorder. If this voice was a separate entity, then could he at least tell him, something he didn\'t know.
At least then it would be tolerable and unacceptable. As it could help him get some answers, but so far it has done no such thing, rather it seemed adamant to remind him of things he\'s already privy to.
Like just now, which he really didn\'t need. Sebastian has relieved and reflected on his and Acier\'s first time, for countless hours. Every movement, exchange, and moment was both imprinted into his brain and traumatically ingrained in his muscle memory.
He needed nor wanted any more reminders.
Giving the "place of passion", one last fleeting glance, Sebastian hurried down the very short hall into the "study" area.
Which was just a decently wide desk, with the wall littered with book cases. Sebastian clicked his tongue looking at the torn, tattered, and worn, "troves of literature", that would drive any passionate librarian devastated.
He ignored that and repeated his "cleaning" process with the room, and walked behind the desk.
A thread of water shot out of his finger tip, and wrapped around the bottom drawer handle, and with a gentle pull, Sebastian yanked the drawer open.
He saw several pieces of paper, a ripped quill pen, an inkpad, what appeared to be a compass of sorts, and some wooden shavings inside.
Balls of water lifted those items up, before he placed them on the desk. Looking down at the empty drawer, Sebastian inwardly crossed his fingers, and gritted his teeth.
Please be here!
Water mana shot out, and wrapped around the bottom of the drawer, and it slowly began to rise up, unobstructed, that was because it was nothing more than a false bottom!
Sebastian stilled and after a moment he sighed in relief, as he saw what was inside, and still there his childhood journal, essentially his diary.
It was bright red, or atleast used to be, as now it was more of a brownish hue, but other than the worn cover, and bent cover, it seemed intact.
Sebastian\'s life was detailed in this journal from when he was about 5 up to the day Acier came and told him she was pregnant.
Which was the day before he was taken away. Sebastian wanted to review all his logs from the day he met Acier to that day, and compare it with his memory, searching for inconsistencies, and contradictions.
Lucius can mess with my mind, but that doesn\'t mean he can mess with concrete and physical evidence right, after all writing doesn\'t have a soul he can manipulate.
Sebastian smiled and snatched up the diary, and high tailed it out of the stinky cabin, he didn\'t walk back to the main estate, immediately, rather he took to the sky, on his water eagle materializing under his feet, as the sun rose over the Clover Kingdom.
As he rose to the stratosphere, the eagle spread its wings, and began to soar and glide slowly over the horizon, nearly still midair, as Sebastian sat down cross legged and opened the diary, like a fourth grader during book study.
He didn\'t even take a look at a page before something fell out. It was shaped like a rectangular slip.
A book mark? Sebastian raised a brow, as he picked it up and frowned as he picked up the slip and stilled at what he saw and felt.
Rather than bookmark, Sebastian would have called it a card, based on the familiar texture and feel, as well as length.
A male silhouette, trimmed and outlined in gold, on a black background surface that seemed oddly shaped like him, was smiling and holding out what appeared to be half a heart, from his right hand, in the center of the card.
At the top of the card was the capital letter I, and on the bottom was the letters E, R, and S. The card was evidently incomplete and missing its other half.
Sebastian gave it a twirl in his hand and frowned, what is this? Why would I own something so useless?
Sebastian thought about tossing it up, and letting the wind take it away, but strangely he felt a sort of indescribable connection and nostalgic affection for the card.
But still, was the original Sebastian an idiot, using something so short and flimsy as a bookmark?
It could easily fall out and lose one\'s page.
It\'s not a bookmark.
Sebastian froze as for the first time in the very short time he has had the displeasure of knowing this new inner voice of his, it finally told him something that he didn\'t know.
"What do you mean?" Sebastian asked unhurriedly, as he kept up a facade of composure.
I\'m your inner voice, you can\'t hide your thoughts from me, you don\'t need to pretend.
Sebastian stiffened, and had his cheeks burn red, ever since transmigrating he\'s been used to adopting an utterly unphased appearance, indifferent to anyone and anything.
It became routine and second nature, force of habit, that he rarely registers anymore.
Sebastian coughed awkwardly, but then frowned, "I can\'t hide from you, but you can hide from me?"
The voice spoke up again, this time with a bit of frustration of its own.
I\'m not hiding from you, you\'re suppressing me!
Sebastian frowned a bit more heavily this time, and spoke with scepticism laced in his voice.
"Alright buddy, if I was capable of doing something, I\'d completely shut you away, for buzzing around in my head. But even then, why should I even trust a word or thought that comes out of your mouth, or mind I guess. For all I know you\'re some secret restriction Lucius left behind to mess with me."
Without wasting the moment, the inner voice replied.
That\'s good, pessimists live the longest, but if you want evidence I really can\'t give you anything to make you trust me.
For all you know I\'m that Lucius guy disguising my voice as yours, you won\'t really get any clear answers till you and Acier dive into our memories.
That Lucius guy? Sebastian narrowed his eyes, and shook his head. "Sometimes it\'s you, other times it\'s our, sometimes you use I or me, other times it\'s we and us, make up your mind. Are you and I one and the same or two different people?"
The voice went eerily silent, but that didn\'t startle Sebastian as he waited calmly, and after a moment it spoke up again.
Pour a little mana into the bookmark and don\'t let go.
"Avoiding my question, huh?" Sebastian snorted derisively, before smiling as he clutched the card tightly.
"Fine, I\'ll bite."
Sebastian put the diary down on the eagle\'s back in front of him, and held the card up in between his fingers by the base as he began to channel mana into it.
Sebastian watched as the card began to light up aqua blue, and then it began to shake, it began to twist and struggle to escape from his grasp, but it was pointless, even if Sebastian let go, he already tied nearly invisible strands of water mana to the card, it wouldn\'t get far.
Sebastian furrowed his brow, as he felt some inexplicable calling from far away, right to the main estate.
"What do I do now?"
Just wait.
Acier\'s eyes snapped open as she abruptly sat upwards on her bed, swiftly escaping her groggy slumber as she felt an invisible calling, one she hadn\'t felt for years.
Wiping the sleep from her eyes, Acier leaned over to the side table, and pulled out the top drawer, she maneuvered through the neatly ordered drawer and pulled out a gray pouch.
She opened the pouch and with a smile, began to pull out some items.
First came an essentially plain brass ring, with the words BFF, ingrained on the top.
Acier smiled fondly at the ring as she seemed to hear a familiar voice, but years younger, speak into her ear.
This is proof of our friendship.
She gave the ring a kiss at the top, before setting it down on her lap, before pulling out another... ring.
This one seemed a bit more complex and expensive, consisting of a silver material, curved and shaped into a heart at the top, and filling the heart seemed to be a cut, amethyst jewel.
Smiling, Acier heard the voice, speaking into her mind once more.
This is the best I can do for you right now, this is a promise. A promise I won\'t back down, or shy away from these feelings of mine anymore, and a vow that I\'m going to better myself, and become someone worthy of pursuing you as a suitor!
Acier also gave this ring a smooch, laying it in her lap before reaching into her little pouch and low and behold pulling out another ring.
This one was far more exquisite, intricately cut, and molded, laced with little sparkling gems around the ring, with a large ornate diamond on top.
It evidently cost a fortune, and would make many gush, and eyes sparkle, but Acier looked at it with a frown.
And that frown deepened as she looked down at her left hand, and twisted the plain gold ring she wore on her left finger.
These were her engagement and wedding rings.
Acier\'s mouth parted softly, "You didn\'t give me either of these two rings, society did, and perhaps because of that, I don\'t treasure either of them as much."
She chewed on her lips before smiling softly, "but I treasure the time that I got them with you. I was going through a very tough time, and you were the one that pulled me out of that darkness, and for that I still love them."
She brought her engagement ring to her lips and gave it a kiss before repeating it with her wedding ring.
Acier placed the engagement ring, in her lap, before pulling out the last item.
A plastic card, where a female silhouette appeared to be holding out half a heart in her left hand, at the center of the card.
At the top of the card, was the letter V, and at the bottom were the letters, L, O, and V.
Acier held the card, like it was the most precious thing to her, and gave it a kiss.
"And this is the sign of our love, a love, I\'ll never question again."
She channeled her mana lightly into the card and it began to surround itself in a pinkish hue, and Acier let go.
Instead of falling to the ground the card floated midair, and then it shot like a speeding bullet through the window, causing the curtains to riffle.
Acier smiled as it faded from view, as she could feel it darting towards its target.
After a moment she hopped off her bed, wearing her nightgown, in a chipper mood.
Typically she would be a bit disgruntled about being woken up so early, forget two days in a row, but she was in a very good mood today.
Acier slipped into her bed slippers, and walked across the room, rummaging through her walk-in closet, looking at different clothes before stopping in front of the mirror and checking herself out.
She put her hands on her hips and smiled.
"Maybe I should leave my hair down, loose, and untied. Sebby always loved that."
Seated on the water eagle high up in the sky, Sebastian\'s eyes shot up, as the familiar connection started growing rapidly closer and greater in a span of a few seconds.
He squinted his eyes and saw a projectile heading straight for him, normally he\'d dodge, but he strangely felt at ease, as it neared him, and was unphased at it stopped right in front of him.
"The other half, huh?"
Taking a moment to study the card, Sebastian felt his wife\'s familiar and unmistakable mana coating it and smiled.
Sebastian instinctively let go of the card in his hand, as the two halves flew around each other, swirling like a vortex, before coming together.
A tiny beacon of white light momentarily blinded Sebastian, causing him to avert his gaze, after taking a second to collect himself, he looked back and paused.
Instead of two halves, there was now one single card.
On the left end was a woman\'s silhouette holding her left arm out, and on the right end was a male silhouette holding his right arm out.
The two arm\'s linked, and floating above it was a heart.
At the very top was the roman numeral VI, and at the bottom was the capitalised word, LOVERS.
Do you know what that is?
The inner voice asked Sebastian indifferently, as the latter nodded.
"A tarot card, number 6 of the major arcana, The Lovers."
The inner voice didn\'t deny or approve his answer, as it moved on to its next question.
Do you know where it comes from?
Sebastian\'s brows furrowed, before he shook his head.
The voice went silent, for a moment, before it spoke again.
Don\'t worry, all will be made clear very soon.
Sebastian showed no reaction to that, before pausing as in front of him, the card began to spin, counter clockwise.
Sebastian opened his mouth in questioning but the inner voice struck first.
It\'s giving you your divination, upright essentially means your love is looking up and you\'re in sync with your lover, while reversed or upside down is the opposite.
Sebastian\'s mouth closed as he saw the card continue to spin rapidly, before gradually slowing down, and then stopping. Perfectly upright, pointing to the sky.
A silent moment passed, as Sebastian\'s heart started to race. Over these past few days and very recent events, Sebastian hadn\'t doubted Acier\'s feelings for him, for a moment.
She couldn\'t have been more clear, but having some sort of external verification wasn\'t the worst feeling in the world.
But Sebastian had a suspicion that this wasn\'t about him, so he opened his mouth. "Are you satisfied now?"
Yes.
The inner voice replied, before continuing, its response growing a bit hoarse and emotional.
She still loves u-you.
Sebastian narrowed his eyes as he detected the mixed emotions in them, joy... and resignation. Perhaps a bit of bittersweet hurt.
Sebastian spoke aloud again, almost to himself. "She still loves me, but I may no longer be me."
The voice didn\'t respond.
Sebastian sighed, picked up the diary and opened it once again. Instead of reading from the start he flipped to the end and what he saw made his heart sink.
Signs of paper being ripped out was evident, that last entry intact from before that was the day he wanted to start with, but that was the only day he got.
August 3rd 1600:
Today Princess Acier approached me for some reason. I don\'t know what I did to attract her attention. Her motives aren\'t immediately discernible, has the main family sent her to snuff out my intentions? Have they discovered my hatred for that one?
Unlikely, Princess Acier is the pride and joy of House Silva, no one will risk her life, nor send her to deal with an invalid like me.
I need to consider how to act in the future, should she continue to approach me. I also need to take time to reevaluate what previous actions of mine could have led to this unexpected meeting.
Further inquiry and study will be required.
Sebastian - Signing off for the day.
Sebastian\'s eyebrow twitched, this sounds more like a military report. All he needed to do was add in starfleet and captain\'s logue, and Star Trek might sue for copyright.
Sebastian sighed, as he would never know what came after that.
"Well this is Lucius right, he wouldn\'t have left, such a glaring and obvious counter to his plans available. Maybe he had my body rip out and discard those pages, unbeknownst to me."
Maybe we did it ourselves.
The inner voice caused Sebastian to pause and narrow his eyes, opening his mouth after a second, and conceding.
"Maybe." Sebastian didn\'t deny the guess, but as for why he would do such a thing, he would never know until he confronted those memories.
Sebastian was just about to put down the diary in defeat and fly back to the castle, but the voice spoke up first.
Flip to October 1st, 1598, and read the next four entries.
Sebastian didn\'t even bother questioning it, and did as he was told, as he flipped, backwards, scanning the dates with his eyes, before stopping.
October 1st 1598:
It appears Father and Mother had finally had it with my incompetence and uselessness, today they declared my mother was pregnant.
They didn\'t outright disown me but the words: "you don\'t have to push yourself anymore Seb, we know all people aren\'t born equal, this child will take the load from your shoulders, and attain glory for our family in the future."
Can be interpreted as such after driving me till I hurled from my stomach and bled from my hands, despite evidently not being an attack mage.
On the plus side this supposed abuse should practically be over, on the downside I fear for that child if it can\'t meet expectations.
Decisions and further pondering must be made.
Sebastian - Signing off for the day.
Sebastian flipped the page to the next entry.
January 15th 1599:
Well this is not good, though not 100% supported. I have heard word of pregnant women craving sweets being a sign of a girl\'s birth.
And that\'s all Mother cares to eat these days. Through some roundabout probing I verified that during her pregnancy for me, all she devoured was spicy foods.
It is rare for a girl to become an heir despite ability and strength, and I won\'t delude myself with pinning my parents to be progressive or accepting people.
Who knows what extremes they will go to, should they discover they are bringing a girl into this world, instead of a boy, especially with their current unsteady mental state.
I must make a decision soon.
Sebastian - Signing off for the day.
Once again, Sebastian flipped to the next entry. He raised a brow as he read it, as he could sense emotion in this entry, and a foreboding feeling that caused his stomach churned.
March 6th, 1599
Today I arrived at the royal library with a decision made. After that girl\'s birth, should my parents love and care for her, like they once did me, all will be good.
Should not I will take her, and raise her as my own, elsewhere away from all things Silva.
Today I even perused texts looking at good names, and I believe I found a spectacular one.
Aurora, it symbolizes the dawn of a new day. A new Chapter in one\'s lives, in our lives, in the future it will be me Sebastian, and little Aurora against the world.
I must quickly secure a job, and start amassing funds. I also need to learn and research how to raise a child.
Sebastian - Signing off for the day!
Sebastian\'s stomach churned, as he forced himself to read the next entry.
March 7th, 1599
Unforgivable! All of them are absolutely unforgivable! My parents, the Silva\'s, that damn Niklaus, what do you take life for?!
Whatever problems, whatever issues, whatever stress or upsets you\'re going through, leave it between you two!
What did that child have to do with any of this?! When you\'re pregnant your life is no longer just your own, but also that child\'s, you should be doing everything in your power to pull through and protect that child\'s life, not proactively ending your own!
Is having a daughter truly such a sin?! Such a disappointment?! Women can be strong, women can be leaders, a girl can lead and empower a lowly branch family like ours!
I will settle my scores with the old lord in the future, but first I need to know just how on earth they discerned that child\'s gender!
Sebastian - Signing off for the day!
Sebastian closed the book and sighed, those memories of that damnable day rose up from within, and he had to suppress his urges to tear something apart.
Pulling and ruffling his hair to vent some tension he bit his lip and opened his mouth.
"What is it that you want to tell me?"
The inner voice responded, almost gently.
That name, does it mean anything to you? Remind you of anything?
Sebastian, raised a brow. "Aurora?"
Yes, Aurora.
Sebastian frowned and shook his head, "No can\'t say anything comes to mind-"
Sebastian cut himself off, and darted his eyes back to the name on the paper. He was imprinting it in his mind, and trying to compare it to another among many obvious coincidences that he\'s overlooked.
He read and reread it to make sure, before raising his head to the sky, his eyes began to water and he spat out almost hoarsely.
"Aurora is my sister\'s name, from Earth."
Sebastian could almost feel the inner and physically non existent voice, nodding its proverbial head in his mind.
Yes, it is.